Getting personal
After my first few blogs, it was suggested that including my own personal stories would help people to follow and understand. So here goes.
I have spent most of my adult life in search of truth , trying to make sense of this madness we call life. To understand the stories and beliefs that have been forced upon me from the time I first started to understand language. A lot of these beliefs – religion, history, fear, wars, suffering, what is right and what is wrong, the way I should and should not be – did not make sense to me.
It has been a rollercoaster ride trying to find the answers – the truth. The irony is, when I finally got glimpses of what the truth really is versus the stories I had been told (the lies implanted in my head) there are no words to describe it.
I can only share with you some of my story in hopes it will inspire you to seek your own truth. To become the artist of your dream and to know that you can choose how you want to live your life.
In 2000 I thought I had it all. My dreams were simple so I thought.
1/ Learn to fly helicopters – done
2/ Fall in love and be with my soulmate – done
3/ Backpack around the world- follow my dream to spend time with Indiginous communities and to have an adventure. – doing
That year whilst on the greatest adventure of my life – living the dream – my world was turned upside by some simple yet powerful words used my the man I had put all my faith and love in. I had planned to meet this man in Mexico later that year and have the greatest adventure with him. Not long into my trip, and out of the blue with no explanation – at least not one that made sense – he used his words against me. I was in the habit of blaming myself for everything so I believed his lies and took them on board as my own. I made his suffering my own. Getting dumped over the phone whilst on the other side of the world can really mess with your head, especially when you don’t know what it is you have done wrong.
One minute it was I love you and the next minute, I hate you, with no clue as to how I had got there. I took everything so personally back then and it sent the voices in my head out of control. They would not stay quiet.
In the Toltec traditions of ancient Mexico this state of mind is called the “Mitote”, a thousand voices screaming to be heard to bring to life their perception of a story. It was the ultimate betrayal to me and the “mitote” in my head would not allow me to forget. It sent me tumbling into the abyss. I was forced to finally face my demons.
In 2000 I was left with a simple choice. Become a twisted old bitch or prove that happiness exists. In my mind I questioned what sort of god would create you in their image just to see you suffer? It didn’t make sense. I had no choice but to prove that happiness exists or what is the point of all of this? Guess what?! Happiness does exit and in time I would come to see that what my ex-partner did was the greatest thing he could have done. His actions set me free.
As fate would have it, I ended up studying with three shamans in Guatemala, learning how to heal my body – physically and emotionally.
Until then I had suffered from physical pain. The only thing doctors wanted to do was to cut me up. At 12 I had my fifth surgery, the pain got worse and I made a vow that I would never enter a hospital again.
Considering they were the cause of my suffering to begin with I had little faith in doctors. I have kept my promise and instead I learnt how to heal myself. The catalyst to becoming a healer.
Now imagine your classroom is situated outside a village. Sitting on lush green grass by the side of one of the largest and most breathtaking fresh water lakes, surrounded by volcanoes. It was as if I was tranported back in time. A time of community, a time of innocence and simpicity. Locals still wearing the same style clothes their ancestors wore centuries ago. A place to stop and breath. Time stood still here and atlast I found a place where I could just be.
One day sitting in class stairing at the lake my teacher said:
“As I am responsible for my words you are responsible for your response.”
These simple yet powerful words changed the way I perceived myself and life.
At the end of the day, no one makes you angry, sad, happy, jealous, depressed. That is your choice, how you react to someone’s words. Though their karma is on their words, how you respond or react is really up to you and it has nothing to do with them.
In Don Miguel The Four Agreements, one of the agreements is:
DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
People are merely projecting their own fears and judgements. That’s all. Nothing to do with you, but how you choose to react is really up to you. If it bothers you then it’s a belief you hold inside, a wound that needs to be released. It’s merely a reflection on what is needed to be healed within you so the words no longer hurt you because you no longer believe in them. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is your opinion because it is your story. You are the writer. You decide who can come in or out of your story and what beliefs you take on board and make your own. A belief does not necessarily mean the truth.
Affirmation: “What other people think is none of my business. Today I take nothing personally.”
The First principle of shamanism is: “The world is what you think it is.”